You’re stuck in a pattern — and patterns can change.

Most couples who reach are exhausted – or worried about becoming exhausted. They’ve had the same argument a hundred times. One partner pushes harder trying to get through; the other pulls back trying to keep the peace. Or both race out to “find the bad guy” and nobody feels heard. The details change. The dance stays the same.

What looks like a communication problem — or a fight about money, parenting, intimacy, or how often someone checks their phone — is almost always something deeper. Beneath the conflict is a more urgent, often unspoken question: Are you there for me? Can I do relationships?  Can I count on you? Do you trust me? Do I matter to you?  These aren’t communication failures. They’re attachment cries — urgent, often unspoken signals that the bond between two people is under strain.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is designed to get underneath those surface arguments — not by teaching you to fight better, but by changing the emotional ground beneath the fight.

What is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)?

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is the most extensively researched approach to couples therapy in the world. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and grounded in over 35 years of peer-reviewed research on adult attachment, EFT works because it addresses the root cause of relationship distress — not just the symptoms.

Historically, many couples therapy approaches have focused primarily on skills: how to listen better, fight more fairly, negotiate more effectively. These skills have their place. But decades of research reveal that skill-building alone doesn’t produce lasting change in relationships. What produces lasting change is a shift in the emotional bond itself — what researchers call second-order change. Not just new behaviors layered on top of old patterns, but a fundamentally different way of experiencing each other. New moves. New music. A different dance entirely.

That’s what EFT makes possible.

“When people can share their deepest emotions with each other and feel heard and understood, it creates a powerful emotional bond that can withstand even the toughest challenges.”  – Dr. Sue Johnson

Does EFT Actually Work?

Yes — and the research is unusually strong.

EFT has a demonstrated 70–73% recovery rate for relationship distress, with 90% of couples showing significant improvement over controls (Johnson, Hunsley, Greenberg & Schindler, 1999, Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice).   A landmark meta-analysis found EFT produced an effect size of d = 1.31 across four randomized controlled trials — the largest of any couples intervention at the time. A subsequent updated meta-analysis covering an additional 19 years of research confirmed not only that EFT improves relationship satisfaction, but that those improvements are sustained at follow-up (Johnson et al., 1999; Beasley & Ager, 2019). Psychotherapy.netPsychotherapy.net

EFT has been recognized by the American Psychological Association as an empirically validated form of couples therapy. It is not a trend. It is not a philosophy. It is a rigorously tested clinical model with decades of outcome data behind it — and the results tend to last.

“The system Jon is teaching offers very practical application. I appreciated both his expertise and that it was a powerfully proven and vetted system.” — Phil

What Happens in EFT?  (participant quotes used with permission)

EFT follows a three-stage process — and each stage builds on the last.

Stage 1 — De-escalation

We slow things down. We map the negative cycle pulling you apart and start to see it for what it is: a pattern driven by fear and disconnection, not character flaws or bad intentions. This is often where folks find some relief — because EFT reframes the problem. You’re not the problem. They’re not the problem. The cycle is the problem. And cycles can be changed.

“It gave me the tools to see the feelings behind the words and actions of a conflict cycle. I can see how my husband and I can get out of that cycle and meet one another’s needs instead of feeling trapped by repeated hurts. We can grieve hurts together and heal with hope!” — M

Stage 2 — Deepening & Restructuring

This is where the real work happens. We move beneath the surface arguments into the underlying emotions — the fear of not being enough, the ache of feeling invisible, the loneliness of being in a relationship and still feeling alone. Partners begin to share these vulnerable places with each other. And something shifts.

“In a very short time frame, we were able to cover so much ground, have time to process, and make tangible steps toward stronger intimacy.” — Anon

Stage 3 — Consolidation

We integrate what’s changed, strengthen new patterns of connection, and help you apply this to the everyday moments of your relationship — not just the big ones.

“A great way to connect more deeply with your spouse.” — P.H.

The goal isn’t simply to feel better in the short term. It’s to become each other’s safe harbor — to build the kind of bond that can hold both of you through whatever comes next. Very hopeful work, for couples willing to do it.

Who is EFT For?

EFT is effective for a wide range of couples, including those navigating:

• Chronic conflict or recurring arguments
• Emotional distance or disconnection
• Feeling like roommates more than partners
• Betrayal or trust injuries
• Premarital preparation
• Life transitions (new baby, parenting stress, loss, career change, empty nest)
• Anxiety or depression affecting the relationship
• Intimacy concerns

EFT is not indicated for relationships involving active domestic violence or untreated prob substance use. If you’re unsure whether EFT is the right fit for your situation, I’m happy to talk it through in a free consultation.

Couples Intensives

For couples who want focused, accelerated work — or who are navigating a significant relational crisis — I offer couples intensives: extended sessions designed to accomplish in a concentrated timeframe what typically takes many weeks of weekly therapy. Intensives are well-suited for couples preparing for marriage, recovering from a major breach of trust, or who simply want to prioritize their relationship in a dedicated, unhurried way.

Hold Me Tight® Workshops

I also facilitate Hold Me Tight® workshops and for folks coming from a Christian faith tradition, Created for Connection® workshops—  structured couples enrichment programs developed by Dr. Sue Johnson directly from the EFT model. These workshops are designed for couples who want to strengthen their relationship proactively, not just repair it in crisis.

“Jon facilitates a great space for investing in the health of your marriage. He uses a model that breaks down the emotional labor and weight that can so easily overwhelm many of us. I would highly recommend this retreat!” — Camille

“I appreciated the dedicated time to focus on my marriage with my spouse and Jon’s ability to help us refocus this in the context of our relationship with Jesus.” — Bridget, Created for Connection Attendee

Ready to Start?

Most couples wait an average of six years after problems begin before seeking help. By then, the patterns are deeply entrenched and the distance feels permanent — even when it isn’t. You don’t have to wait that long.

I offer a free 20-minute consultation for couples considering therapy. It’s a chance to get a feel for how I work, ask whatever’s on your mind, and decide together whether it’s the right fit.